Five volcanoes. One tiny island. Sorry, not moving there.
May 7, 1998
“Daddy’s on his way to the hospital,” came the quavering voice of my mother. “He had a heart attack.”
Goat Cheese Is Heinous. Don’t Argue With Me.
Goat cheese tastes exactly like "Wilford Brimley's navel.”
Cacophony In The Sky? Or The Sound Of Freedom.
Once ensconced in a dilapidated 1930s North End money pit I enjoyed the quiet skies. For a while. Until the ear-splitting FA-18 Hornets came to town. And the Navy began to buzz my new house with them.
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Facebook exercised such exemplary care of our personal information in the past, why wouldn’t we trust them with truly intimate stuff needed for a dating profile?
Washington’s Black-Tie Hatefest
Since when did four-letter words and abortion jokes become acceptable at a formal dinner?
Going For Brokaw
Last week, Linda Vester, a former NBC reporter, claimed that in 1994 when she was 28 and Brokaw was 54 the boyish anchor groped and fondled her. Now a second accuser has come forward with a similar story.
Turning College Dorms Into Kennels
We’re not talking therapy dogs or service animals.
This is any mangy varmint that stressed-out college students want to cuddle with at night to relieve tension.
Royal Pressure For New Moms
Even I’m impressed with the Duchess of Cambridge’s ability to birth a baby and emerge from the hospital seven hours later wearing four-inch pumps and smiling for the cameras.
My Favorite Actor: Dwayne Johnson
No, he’s not Sir Lawrence Olivier. He’s better looking and more endearing.
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Mayor-For-One-More-Week Picks A Successor
The man my former colleague, columnist Dave Addis, once described as a “goat boy" for the developers.
Coddled College Students Can’t Leave Cell Phone Zone
At the end of this semester the university’s 98-year-old Penn State Outing Club, the 70-year-old Nittany Grotto Caving Club and the Nittany Divers Scuba Club will be abolished, presumably so the students can spend more time indoors binge drinking and playing beer pong.
Doggie Dental Care. It Ain’t Cheap.
The only way to really relax a miniature poodle is by backing over it with the family station wagon. I don't recommend that. Neither do I recommend brushing the teeth of a nervous dog.
Barbara Bush And The West Coast Harridan
Yep, as the nation mourned, one vicious college professor merrily insulted the dead woman and wished her entire family dead.
Welcome to academia, 2018.
Tide Is Turning In Virginia Beach
With the curious departure of the mayor and with six City Council seats up this November, there is - at last - a chance for disgruntled Beach voters to bypass the good-old-boys with their slick campaigns and vote instead for good government.
Terror In The Air
Would you have prayed? Wept? Written a note to your loved ones? Hugged your traveling companion? Looked around to see if anyone needed help?
Travels With My Granddaughter
My granddaughter, the precocious Sawyer Grace, always pretends she knows the lyrics to any song on the radio, so I angled the rear view to see if she was singing along. She was, but when she caught me looking, she stopped and flashed a big surprised smile.
Why Is The New Yorker Hating On Chick-fil-A?
Yep, the opening of Manhattan’s fourth Chick-fil-A location had a columnist for the famously pompous publication fuming.
Why? Well, because the founders of the chain are - sitting down? - Christian. Oh, and Southern.
Left-Lane Laggards Getting Slapped With Fines
Stay to the right and let the drivers in the left lane risk a ticket. If it makes you feel better, you are free to gloat — or blow kisses — as you pass the speed demons a few miles down the road, handing over their licenses and registrations to a uniformed officer.