Kids like me - short and skinny - were always picked last for any team. When we whined about it, our parents were unsympathetic, saying something like, “You’re a shrimp. Deal with it.”
Is there anything more annoying than people who don’t know the difference between “less” and “fewer”? No, there isn’t. Glad we agree on this.
Coppertone: Airbrushing Tushes And Tan Lines
Look, I get it. With all the worry about skin cancer, no parent tries for a deep toddler tan.
Shoot, might as well sell the kids cigarettes.
Caught Being Honest: A Mom And Her Pint-Sized Kid
Knock a year off a kid's age at a movie theater, and you've taught your child that dishonesty is excusable if it saves you a few bucks.
Hey Hollywood: No One's Watching The Academy Awards
It’s audacious and mean-spirited to mock Americans who don’t share your political views and then expect them to buy tickets to your movies.
In Search Of Girl Scout Cookies
I would have swallowed my distaste and happily ordered a few boxes from a fat guy in a stained tie this year..
Barbra Streisand Cloned Her Dog. Twice.
We've all had to say goodbye to a loyal pooch. Ordinary people cry and then bury their mutts in the backyard. Eventually they get a new one.
Ancestors
I’ve been scouring family photo albums looking for a presentable ancestor from a multitude of jug-eared Irish peasants. Just one.
Farm Fresh In Trouble? Another Supermarket Shake-Up.
I’ve been observing supermarket hysteria for years and still cannot understand why people lose their minds when one chain closes or a new one arrives.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
One day you’re happy with the state of your hair. The next day you realize you’re sporting the exact same 'do as the octogenarian you saw pushing a walker through the supermarket.
Gun Laws Can’t Fix What’s Wrong In Broward County
The Bloviating Sheriff of Broward - who should be sacked immediately - is now denying reports from CNN, NBC and other outlets that there were three other deputies on the scene who also stood by and didn’t try to engage the shooter.
Time To Stop Shouting And Start Listening
We’ve turned into a nation of hecklers.
We don’t listen to each other anymore. We shout. And when someone voices an opinion we don’t like, we shout louder.
Billy Graham: More Than Just A Pastor To Presidents
Billy Graham told my Aunt Agnes that God loved her and that someday she’d go to heaven where she’d be like everyone else.
I Quit Journalism To Become A Ballerina
There was a time when at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday I might be interviewing the governor or calling cops about an unsolved murder.
Now I’m doing pliés to “I’m A Little Teapot.”
Watching The Olympics? Drink Lots Of Coffee.
“Most Boring Winter Olympics Ever,” proclaimed a Forbes headline Monday on a story that blamed NBC and its amateurish coverage for the viewing public’s lack of interest.
Hungry? Hit A Local Joint.
You can easily drive from where I live in Virginia Beach to Los Angeles and back and never eat anything but cookie-cutter grub and mediocre meals. And lots of folks do just that.
No Regrets
So far, I have no regrets. But should I ever find myself pining for my old job, I have the perfect antidote: My fan mail. Volumes of it. Years of it. A big, juicy reminder that there really are awful people in the world.
What Happened To Common Decency?
There was only one reason that CBS, MSNBC and The Miami Herald were so quick to throw the ghoulish videos out there with an insincere warning that viewers might find the content “disturbing.”
Money.
Yoga: I’m Just There For The Stretching
I once had an instructor tiptoe over to ask me to please refrain from drumming my fingers on the wood floor while everyone else was in a state of bliss.
"Sorry," I whispered back.