Local visionaries are at it again: Trying to concoct a new moniker for the region after making a balls of it several decades ago with “Hampton Roads.”
They never learn.
High School Cafeterias: The Loneliest Places On Earth
I dreaded everything about this forbidding city school. Like all new kids, I especially fretted about lunch. Where would I sit? Who would I talk to? I felt sick thinking about it.
Kerry Goes Mattress Shopping
One salesman ordered us to wait while he ran back to a desk from which he produced a discount coupon. In a whisper he pretended he wasn’t supposed to offer an additional mark down on top of their “rock-bottom” Fourth of July sales prices, but he liked us.
I didn’t like him.
Yep, Pit Bulls. Again.
Pit bulls are banned in many cities and counties.They’re also banned in military housing.
Shoot, if the Marines are afraid of pit bulls, we all should be.
Fun Shoes, First-Class Service
Yes, I’m aware I’m unemployed. Leave me alone. New shoes make me feel better about myself.
Confessions Of A Diet Coke Addict
My heart would race every time my supermarket had one of those buy-two-get-three-free offers on cases of Diet Coke. I loved looking at all those silver boxes piled in my kitchen, knowing I wouldn’t run out of those beloved cans. For a couple of weeks anyway.
Working From Home? Follow These Rules.
But if we’re honest, most of us will admit we don’t like people as much as we pretend we do. There is a glorious sense of relief that comes with no longer being forced to interact daily with the office idiot.
Especially if the office idiot is your boss.
We're Not Facebook's Customers. We're Its Products.
I recently asked my daughter if she’d seen the Facebook ads that pop up constantly in my feed. The ones for a magical gloss that erases lip lines and gives women plump, juicy kissers.
She said no.
Don't Let Your Sons (And Daughters) Grow Up To Be Newspaper Reporters
If your kid is considering a career in journalism you need to talk them out of it. Unless there's a trust fund, that is.
What Is It With Environmentalists And Our Bathrooms?
Perhaps you heard. Environmentalists want us to switch from toilet paper to swatches of fabric. Just like they used in the 18th century! This is progress, environmentalist-style.
United Breaks Guitars. And Puppies.
You want to prevent this from happening again, United? Here's a thought: Don't cram pets into airless overhead bins to suffocate.
There. Problem solved.
When A Car Is More Than A Ride
People who don’t like to drive will never understand that delicious feeling of slipping behind the wheel of a peppy car that begs you to step on the accelerator and ignore the speedometer. A car that hugs the corners and purrs when you hit 80.
March Madness And Your Illegal Office Pool
Truth is, part of the fun of filling out brackets - for the chronically law-abiding - is knowing that it’s a little bit illegal.
Stop Coddling Kids
Kids like me - short and skinny - were always picked last for any team. When we whined about it, our parents were unsympathetic, saying something like, “You’re a shrimp. Deal with it.”
Is there anything more annoying than people who don’t know the difference between “less” and “fewer”? No, there isn’t. Glad we agree on this.
Coppertone: Airbrushing Tushes And Tan Lines
Look, I get it. With all the worry about skin cancer, no parent tries for a deep toddler tan.
Shoot, might as well sell the kids cigarettes.
Caught Being Honest: A Mom And Her Pint-Sized Kid
Knock a year off a kid's age at a movie theater, and you've taught your child that dishonesty is excusable if it saves you a few bucks.
Hey Hollywood: No One's Watching The Academy Awards
It’s audacious and mean-spirited to mock Americans who don’t share your political views and then expect them to buy tickets to your movies.
In Search Of Girl Scout Cookies
I would have swallowed my distaste and happily ordered a few boxes from a fat guy in a stained tie this year..