Norfolk's First Citizen: Pete G. Decker III
By Harry Minium
NORFOLK, Va. – Peter G. Decker Jr. would be a hard act for anyone to follow.
Father and son. Pete Decker III and Peter G. Decker Jr.
Charismatic, driven, and devilishly handsome, with a kind heart and an outgoing personality, “Uncle Pete,” as he was known and loved by thousands, rose from poverty to become one of the most powerful attorneys and business people in Hampton Roads.
He worked his way through law school in part by singing in night clubs -- think Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin -- and became one of the area’s most dynamic lawyers
If you were charged with a crime, you were wise to hire Uncle Pete, as did sheriffs, state delegates and even attorneys who were once his bitter rivals. He was nearly always better prepared than opposing attorneys, and had far more charm, and a quick wit, to sway judges and jurors.
Politicians, from governors to the mayors of Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Democrat and Republican alike, relied on Uncle Pete for quiet counsel when they needed sage advice.
“He would bring people together and settle disputes before the public knew anything about them,” said former Norfolk Mayor Paul Fraim.
He invested wisely, purchasing dozens of properties from Florida to Norfolk, got rich and became perhaps the region’s greatest mover and shaker behind the scenes. He was able to do so in part because he was so generous with his money and, most especially, his time.
He raised and gave away tens of millions of dollars to charity, especially those benefiting children. How much he raised for the St. Jude Children’s Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, will never be accurately calculated, but officials said it was between $50 and $100 million.
And his personality? Absolutely magnetic. “Who loves ya baby,” he often said as a greeting. He would hug and kiss your wife on the cheek, and you didn’t mind.
Uncle Pete succumbed to cancer in on Feb 3, 2012. Four days later, an estimated 4,000 people jammed their way into the Norfolk Marriott Waterside to pay their respects.
“Everyone here,” said former Virginia Beach Mayor Meyera Oberndorf that day, her hands waving at the crowd, “I’m sure he helped all of them at one time.”
Link to story on Celebration of Life for Peter G. Decker Jr.
Yes, definitely a tough act to follow, but that never bothered Peter G. Decker III.
Pete Decker III
Uncle Pete’s oldest son, who bears a remarkable resemblance to his handsome father, as well as bearing his name, has practiced for 28 years at the Decker Law Firm his father founded in 1961. And he has continued in his father’s philanthropic footsteps by raising millions for local charities, and serving on just about every charitable and civic board his father served on as well.
His father was feted as Norfolk’s First Citizen by the Norfolk Cosmopolitan Club in 1998. Now, 28 years later, Pete III will receive the same award. He will be the 100th individual – the award has been given to married couples several times -- to receive the First Citizen award which honors people from all over Hampton Roads. Four of the last five winners were not Norfolk residents.
He will accept the award on Friday, April 17, at the Norfolk Yacht and Country Club. All of the nearly 400 tickets, priced at $150 each, were sold within a week of invitations being mailed.
“We’ve never had tickets sell this fast,” said Mike O’Toole, the cosmopolitan club president and the chief deputy to Norfolk Sheriff Joe Baron.
“I have a huge waiting list. Everyone loves Pete Decker. Everyone wants to be there.”
Norfolk Mayor Kenny Alexander and Pete Decker III
“Little Pete,” as Norfolk Mayor Kenny Alexander sometimes calls him, has in a quiet way exerted nearly as much an influence as his father. Though not as charismatic or outspoken as his dad, he has become a behind-the-scenes dealmaker in these times of bitter political strife.
He has donated to both Democrats and Republicans and supports candidates from all stripes. “My dad always told me, support the person, not the party,” he said. He has brought warring sides together to settle disputes amicably and privately.
When Judy Boone, the Ocean View real state magnate, needed an attorney to speak for her after she suffered three gunshot wounds in her home, she called on Pete III.
His father chaired the Virginia State Board of Corrections, the Sons and Daughters of Lebanon, the Norfolk Police/Fire Trial Board and the Norfolk Airport Authority and so has Pete III, who is shepherding the airport through a $1 billion expansion.
He serves on the board of TowneBank, the Norfolk and Virginia Beach police foundations, the Norfolk Sheriff’s Foundation and half a dozen other boards where his father also served.
Norfolk Sheriff Joe Baron, Mayor Kenny Alexander and Pete Decker III
He was recently reappointed to the Board of Visitors at Old Dominion University, from where he, his father and wife, Dana Jo Decker, all graduated. He served a previous four-year term at ODU.
He has played a major role in the Ocean View St. Patrick’s Day Parade for decades, and has served as the parade emcee since his father passed away – Uncle Pete emceed the parade, as well as the first Norfolk Harborfest and Virginia Beach Neptune Festival.
And he founded the Peter G. Decker Charities, named for his father, which has raised millions of dollars for children’s hospitals.
Peter G. Decker Charities website
“Few people know just how much time he gives up for our community,” Alexander said. “Everyone knew Uncle Pete. He was flamboyant, with the open collar shirts. That’s not Pete. He’s more buttoned down. More reserved.
“But he’s just as generous.
“These committees he chairs, these are non-paid positions and yet he continues to say, ‘I’ll do it,’ whenever we ask him to serve. I don’t know where he gets the time.
“He has his Dad’s charm and his Dad’s loving heart. Pete is a loving and caring person.”
O’Toole said the vote by the five-person selection committee was unanimous.
“Every time I’ve called him and asked him for anything,” said businessman Dennis Ellmer, who was Norfolk’s First Citizen in 2019, “he’s right there and willing to help.
“Especially when it comes to children’s charities. He’s so much like his father. Generous and giving, smart and hard-working.”
Norfolk Vice Mayor Martin Thomas Jr. is a partner in the Decker firm and a close friend.
“Almost every day, someone reaches out to Pete needing help,” he said.
“If someone needs legal help and it’s not something we specialize in, he’ll say, ‘Let’s help them, anyway.’
“His father raised him in the helping people ethos.”
Uncle Pete was one of seven children raised in poverty in Norfolk’s Lamberts Point neighborhood. His father was a junkman. His mother worked in a school cafeteria. They both immigrated to America from Lebanon and worked hard to scratch out a good but impoverished life in the New World.
Pete and his brothers, Paul and Phil, had an easier upbringing. They were raised in affluence by Pete and Bess Decker but taught early-on that those who have much owe much to their communities.
“Pop would take us to fundraisers when we were kids,” Decker said.
“We’d go to a different Catholic church in Norfolk every week, and Pop would stuff the basket with obscene amounts of cash.
“We learned the importance of giving back to the community at a very young age.”
Poverty instilled in Uncle Pete a manic desire to succeed, and without those privations, it’s not surprising that Pete III was, as he put it, “not a good student for the longest time.”
After four years of attending ODU, and going to too many parties and not enough classes, he was summoned to his father’s office.
“How is school going?” his father asked. “I said, ‘Well, it could be better,’ ” Pete III responded.
“You’re damn right it could be,” his dad said. “I talked to the dean today and he said you’re close to flunking out.
“I love you, son, but you're on your own now. You're going pay for the rest of your college.”
That was all it took to turn Pete III around.
He worked three jobs, including running the 4400 Club nightclub near ODU while also working at a gas station and a convenience store, to pay his tuition. He earned his ODU degree and eventually went to law school at George Mason. He took out student loans and for a long time in part lived off the income of his wife, who was a Norfolk school teacher.
“We bought our first home on her salary,” he said.
“Cutting me off was the best thing my Dad ever did for me. He did me a huge favor. I paid for all of my school from that point on. And it meant more to me.”
Zoe Decker and Pete Decker IV
Life has not been without its challenges. His Norfolk home burned down two weeks before his daughter, Zoe, graduated from VCU. The family lived for a year in Ocean View while the house was being rebuilt.
He was diagnosed with kidney cancer, which required surgery, several years ago. More recently, he suffered from an autoimmune disease which is now controlled with medication.
But his family is healthy and happy. His son, Pete IV, known as “Petey,” graduated from the University of Virginia while Zoe is working with a Richmond firm.
Little Pete credits Dana Jo for quitting her job as a teacher to raise Zoe and Petey full-time.
Pete and Dana Jo Decker
“When I started working as a lawyer, 60- and 70-hour weeks were the norm,” he said. “I would come into the office on Sunday just to be here when the phones weren’t ringing. That was my life for the first 20 years.
“I regret not spending more time with my kids, but thank goodness for Dana. She’s been an awesome Mom and an awesome partner.”
The couple recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary and have been together 37 years. Dana Jo says her husband is quietly very romantic.
When he proposed to her, he took her to New York and arranged a horse carriage ride through Central Park. He excused the driver and took over the reins and took them to a secluded spot, where he got down on his knee to pop the question at 4 a.m.
“I was on the phone with my Mom at 6 a.m.,” Dana Jo said.
Yet being married to a Decker isn’t the world’s easiest gig.
“All of the boards he serves on, all of the fundraisers he does, it’s a lot. It wears on him,” she said.
“I want him to slow down but that’s not in his nature.
“He’s had to put a lot of people before us and before me. We understand that.”
“But at night,” she added with a smile, “he’s mine.”
At age 62, Pete III said he has no desire to retire. But when he does, there likely will be another attorney named Decker working at Decker Law.
Paul Decker Jr., who enters law school in the fall, is working as a paralegal at Decker Law. As soon as he graduates, he’ll come on board as an attorney.
“It would be so cool to have Pop’s grandson working here,” Pete III said.
Well spoken and well-liked, Decker could have a political career if he so desired.
“I know his Dad refused any number of times to run for office,” Fraim said. “I think both of them would rather be behind the scenes. And that’s a good place for him.
“But I don’t think he would have any trouble getting elected to anything he wanted. I’ve never heard anyone say a bad word about Pete. Everyone loves Pete.”
The ceremony is special to Dana Jo for more reasons than one. Her stepfather, the late E. George Middleton Jr., was named First Citizen in 2002. He was chairman of the Norfolk School Board when the city integrated its schools.
“I know that Pete’s father will be looking down on him and will be so proud,” Dana Jo said. “So will my stepfather.”
Bess, who was married to Uncle Pete for 50 years, is still going strong. She is president of Decker Management, which runs the properties Uncle Pete acquired, and of course, will attend on Friday, along with dozens of cousins, aunts and uncles.
So will Paul, who is in real estate, as will Phil, who recently retired from the restaurant business.
Uncle Pete will also be here, in spirit, said Pete III, who teared up three times when talking about his father during a 90-minute interview.
“I am sometimes told that I have big shoes to fill,” Pete III said. “I’ve never even tried to fill those shoes. It never even crossed my mind to try to replace my Dad. They broke the mold with him. He had more compassion and energy than anyone I’ve ever known.
“Make no mistake, the reason I’m getting this award is because of the way my Dad raised me and my Mom raised me. We had a blessed childhood and upbringing. I was given every opportunity in life, and I’d like to think I took advantage of that.
“But Pop never let us forget where we came from, where his parents came from.”
Pete III is a phenomenal attorney in large part because of the lessons his father passed on to him, Thomas said.
“He has the ability to make every single person in a courtroom feel loved and appreciated,” Thomas said. “Even in an adversarial situation, it’s not adversarial because he’s such a good guy. That gives him such a big advantage in the courtroom.”
“When I shadowed my father,” Pete III added. “He was obviously always respectful to judges. But the most important people he interacted with were the police officers, the clerks, the maintenance people, the sheriff’s deputies. He cared about them genuinely and would get to know them and their families. He would help them if he could, even if they could not afford his help.
“It was instilled from me at a young age to treat everybody with respect and kindness. It amazes me now because I run into so many attorneys who are aloof with the people that run the system.
“My dad cared about everyone. It didn’t matter what walk of life they were from. He treated everyone with respect and kindness.”
He then stopped the interview briefly to choke back tears.
“People often tell me that it must be tough having that name,” he continued. “But not for me. I always thought it was cool.
“Not a week goes by when someone in the courthouse or just somewhere out and about comes up to me and tells me a story about Pop. Just overwhelmingly positive stories about my dad.
“That’s why having the name Peter G Decker III has always been a blessing to me.”
A former Virginian-Pilot reporter and columnist, Harry Minium works at Old Dominion University, where he writes for odusports.com Contact him at hminium@odu.edu
