The White House Is Like A Tight Pair Of Trousers: No Ballroom.
One of my dad’s favorite riddles went like this:
Question: What do a cheap hotel and a tight pair of pants have in common?
Answer: No ballroom.
Until a few months ago I had no idea that the White House also lacked a ballroom.
Surprising, no? Currently, when American president hosts large events, the guests are herded into a tent on the South Lawn.
How elegant.
Have you ever been in one of those flimsy structures for a wedding reception? In winter? On a windy day? In the rain?
Tents are awful. They look cheap. They’re tacky, hard to heat and noisy.
America is the world’s greatest super power. The president of the United States ought to be able to host large events without sticking dignitaries outside in a pup tent, like Cub Scouts.
Beginning in 2029, when Donald Trump’s PRIVATELY FUNDED ballroom is complete, the next president will be able to host up to 650 guests in an elegant new facility where the East Wing stands.
Instead of thanking Trump for finding a way to make this major improvement to the White House without costing taxpayers a penny, the left is losing its mind. You’d think he was installing slot machines or a liquor store.
Until last week most of these seething leftists had no idea the East Wing even existed, because there wasn’t a woke TV series about it.
In fact, the West Wing was built in 1902 by Theodore Roosevelt, and a tiny sliver of the East Wing was built that same year. There is no record of people protesting these significant additions to the White House.
Forty years later, in 1942, Franklin D. Roosevelt built out the East Wing to its present size. I can find no record of people screaming about that addition either.
But because it’s Trump, the left is pretending this is some sort of sacred historical structure that may not be touched. Demolition of part of the East Wing began this week.
The East Wing is an office building. It’s not a historical edifice. Shoot, it’s not as old has my house. This is not the Parthenon.
Hillary weighed in. Of course she did.
As usual, the loser of the 2016 presidential campaign turned off X’s replies feature, so I’ll have to reply here:
Hillary, don’t pretend to honor the White House. Your husband got blow jobs in the Oval Office and you two sashayed out of the White House with thousands of dollars worth of stolen furniture.
You also pimped out the Lincoln Bedroom to the highest bidder, you classless loser.
Sit this one out.
Unlike the Clintons, who left nothing but the whiff of cheap perfume under the Resolute Desk, many American presidents left their mark on the White House. They enjoyed wide latitude to make changes both inside and out without a Greek chorus of opposition.
In 1913, for instance, Woodrow Wilson demolished the colonial garden, replacing it with a rose garden.
In 1927, Calvin Coolidge renovated the upper floors and attic of the White House.
Two years later, Herbert Hoover completely remodeled the West Wing.
In 1934 FDR overhauled the West Wing again, adding a swimming pool as a treatment for his polio.
In 1948, Harry Truman gutted the entire White House, expanding its foundation and preserving only its exterior walls. Did the people scream in protest? Nope.
In 1970, Nixon covered the swimming pool and added a bowling alley.
In 1975, Gerald Ford added an outdoor pool.
In 2009, Barack Obama resurfaced the tennis courts, turning them into basketball courts.
Ironically, Trump will not get to enjoy the ballroom. It will be compete the year after he leaves office.
Trump’s leaving his successor - and the American people - something many presidents wish they’d had: A ballroom suitable for grand Washington affairs.
Someone should say thank you.
