Mitt Romney Is Not One Of Us
Remember that scene in “Inglourious Basterds” when a British spy - posing as a German officer - orders three beers "Drei Gläser“ - and gives himself away by holding up three fingers:
His index, middle and ring fingers. The American/British way.
Germans, as we all learned from that movie, indicate the number three with their thumbs, index and middle fingers.
Moments later the place erupts in gunfire.
I was reminded of that movie yesterday when I saw the crazy clip of Sen. Mitt Romney, blowing out the birthday candles on a Twinkie cake prepared for him by members of his staff.
This is an endearing little video. It’s sweet to see aides doing something thoughtful for the boss. And who among us wouldn’t love a confection made entirely of Twinkies?
But I’m pretty sure absolutely no one else in the entire country removes candles from a cake before blowing them out.
It isn’t right.
Everyone knows that Americans lean over their cakes, blow as hard as they can - spittle be damned - and make ONE wish no matter how many candles are impaled on the poor cake.
Not Romney. He daintily removed each candle and blew it out, making a wish on each.
“So many wishes!” he exclaimed joyfully.
No, Mitt. You only get one per cake. Those are the rules.
Hungry for amusing news on Tuesday, social media engaged in good-natured speculation about the awkwardly wholesome man from Utah.
He’s an extraterrestrial, some ventured. This must be a Mormon thing, several religion-impaired ignoramuses mused.
He’s never had a birthday cake before in his life, others decided.
The latter is impossible. Not only has Mitt celebrated 72 birthdays of his own, but this devout family man has five sons, which means he’s probably attended close to 215 birthday parties for his boys. (I added up his sons’ ages and did the math. You’re welcome.)
Eventually Romney explained that he had a cold and didn’t want to spew pathogens on the cake.
Fine. Some of us can’t unsee it, though.
Romney is an undeniably odd, but lovable, dude. We once saw him ironing his own shirt - while wearing it - in the Netflix documentary “Mitt.”
“Ouch,” he kept muttering as he tapped his sleeves with the hot steam iron.
Then there was that infamous Romney family road trip to Canada in 1983 when Mitt strapped their Irish setter, Seamus, to the roof of the car.
Now we have this weird candle extinguishing event. It’s, well, the icing on the cake.