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Royal Wedding Overload

Royal Wedding Overload

Four more days.

That’s how long we’ll have to endure breathless coverage of this weekend’s royal wedding between Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle.

Not sure I’m going to make it.

Look, Harry and Meg are a cute couple. News commentators repeatedly assure us “they’re very much in love.” I hope that’s true and I wish them every happiness.

I get why some Brits are addicted to news of the royals. But Americans?

Last Thursday, for instance, as the nuptial coverage was just cranking up, I caught a giddy talking head on Fox News reporting on the wedding plans.

 “I wish we had something like that here!” she gushed.


I wanted to throw a history book at the TV. Or mail her a copy of the Declaration of Independence. 

Go ahead. Insert your favorite Fox News joke here, but the other networks are no better. I was stuck in a doctor’s waiting room Monday morning with CBS blaring from a corner.

Two female hosts of some morning show were prattling on about the royals.

“Meghan’s her own person,” observed one.

As opposed to what? Someone else’s person? 

“Harry’s beard!” she blurted out a few minutes later. “Beard or no beard?”

Her sidekick replied, “If he sports a beard on Saturday that means Meghan likes it. If he doesn’t, that means she doesn’t.”

I hate to point this out, but America fought a war so we wouldn’t have to care about Harry’s beard. 

Look, I get it. The present members of the house of Windsor seem like a benign lot. They mostly keep their noses out of politics and confine their royal duties to ribbon cutting - sort of like the mayor of Virginia Beach - and supporting charities. 

But the entire concept of a hereditary monarch, where one gets to wear the crown because of genetics rather than smarts or ability, is ridiculous. 

And let's be honest, the next-in-line to the British throne, Prince Charles, is a rather feckless fellow.

Shoot, the man’s 69 - old enough to retire - and still waiting for his dream job. 

Imagine if the rest of us had to wait for our mothers to die so we could start a career. 

And what exactly has he done, other than get caught - while he was married to Diana - talking to his mistress about how he longed to be her tampon?

King Tampon I. 

Can’t wait for THAT coronation.

In the meantime, Meghan’s American relations are causing all sorts of embarrassment. Letters have been written and memoirs are in the works by her half-siblings who were not invited to the wedding. It was announced that her father was coming to the ceremony, but then he staged paparazzi photos, had a heart attack and said he wasn't coming. But now he is. Maybe. 

Stay tuned. You can be certain cable news will bring you the latest developments with Daddy Markle.

Amidst all the wedding blather this week, there was some interesting news from Reuters: According to a recent poll, 66 percent of Britons say they aren't interested in the royal wedding.

“This...poll shows a very clear picture of a nation disinterested and apathetic about the royal family,” said Graham Smith, chief executive of Republic, which commissioned the poll.  “We’re not a nation of republicans yet - but we’ve stopped being a nation of royalists.” 

Wish we could say the same about the U.S.

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