We had ready-made retorts: A litany of all the soul-crushing jobs we’d had on the way to our “cushy” columnist gigs.
It Has To Be One Strike, You're Gone For Those Here Illegally
It was bad enough that Ramos was in the U.S. illegally. Worse was news that he'd been arrested earlier and never asked about his immigration status.
The inconvenient truth is that if Ramos had been unceremoniously tossed out of the country after his first brush with American law enforcement Tessa and Ali would still be alive.
Finley’s Firing. A Sign Of The Apocalypse.
“I became a victim of a left-wing lynching in the most progressive state in the nation.” Denis Finley.
Delicious News for Dogs
My toy poodles eat middle-of-the-road kibble from the supermarket. Not the cheapest stuff - Ol’ Roy, for instance - but nothing I’d be tempted to nibble.
In Those Days, Everyone Fed The Bears In Yellowstone
In a long bear jam, a battalion of bears would amble from car to car looking for handouts.
Home Delivery, Nudity And West Coast Lunacy
Why nude workouts? Supposedly they allow the skin to breathe.
No, Southerners Can't Drive In Snow
So, if you've been living in the South for even a few winters, your snow legs are back in Buffalo or Boston. And your driving is as Southern as sweet tea.
Congratulations. Looks like you may not be the best driver in town. In fact, you may be part of the problem.
Southern Snowstorm. Time To Panic.
The same people who will surf in a hurricane and run a marathon in 100-degree heat lose their ability to reason - or drive - once the first flakes fall.
Hashtags and Pussy Hats
Warriors? Please.
Happy New Year From An Outer Banks McMansion
If it hadn’t been for a marathon Monopoly game lasting more than five hours on New Year’s Eve afternoon, I’d have a splendid piece of writing here.
First Month Down
As long as you keep reading, I’ll keep writing.
Home Remedies
“A cold that’s left alone lasts one week. A cold that’s treated by a doctor lasts only seven days. “
No, Melania Trump Doesn’t Hate Trees
Now these “journalists” have gone a step further: They’re trying to portray the First Lady as some kind of tree-chopping harridan.
Baby, It's Cold Outside
"Aw, the biggest danger you ever faced was just that one snowstorm," she laughed, as she launched into yet another tale that convinced me I may have been raised by wolves.
Merry Christmas
Lemme guess. You’re trying to escape family overload.
It’s Christmas. We’ll Watch Anything
I take consolation in knowing that one day Netflix will go the way of Blockbuster Video strip-mall stores, but for now it’s all we’ve got.
Drinking More, Refilling Less
Seems the same psychological phenomena that occurs when people eat off dinner plates the size of satellite dishes also applies to drinking vessels
Effing Apostrophes
I can’t be the only one who recoils from a Christmas card cheerfully signed “Love, The Foster’s.”
The Foster’s what? I silently scream.