Name Shaming

Here’s a thought. 

If you’re about to name your newborn, think carefully before you dub her “Abcde.” 

Then don’t do it. Please.

It’s a stupid name. It’s unpronounceable. It looks like an eye chart.

Perhaps you heard. A Texas woman who named her daughter Abcde - pronounced ab-city or ab-si-dee depending on the news report - is furious because she says a Southwest Airlines employee giggled at her daughter’s name and posted a copy of the child’s boarding pass on social media.

Hey, at least Abcde got to fly with two bags free!

I’m kidding. Mocking a kid is wrong. And any airline employee who posts a passenger’s boarding pass on social media deserves to be in hot water. Unprofessional.

But good Lord, lady, what were you thinking?

Saddling a kid with a moniker that’s the first five letters of the alphabet - or the last five - is a boneheaded move. After all, a name is a gift that lasts a lifetime.  

Unless Abcde heads to court when she turns 18, that is, and gives herself a normal name. Like “Brentleigh Fentleigh Pinot Noir.”

As someone who grew up in an unimaginative era when most girls were named Linda, Susan or Nancy and all the boys were Bob, Tom or Bill, I applaud imaginative handles. And while it would be nice if parents used common sense when naming their progeny, I’d hate to have the government meddle as happens in some places.

In fact, until 1993 French parents had to pick a name from an official government list. They have more flexibility now, but if a registrar flags a name, the courts get involved.

In a much-publicized case several years ago, a French judge ruled against parents who wanted to name their daughter “Nutella.”

"It is contrary to the child's interest to have a name that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts,” the judge declared, according to the BBC.

Instead, His Honor anointed her Ella.

Frankly, Nutella is a great name. Sweet and nutty.

Especially compared with Abcde. Or her sister, Fghij. And her brother, 12345.